The “I” Factor

I was accused of being evasive today.

*sniffles* It hurt… that someone would dare tell me the truth :p

So here…

All the things you never really needed to know about me.

I stole this idea from Monsier Kylan’s Blog, of course. But I separated them into categories so he can’t stick me with a law suit for plagiarism.

This is me. This is I.

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I HAVE…

… a 3 stitch scar on my little toe from a fight I had when I was a teenager, after the girl I was fighting with decided that biting my little piggy was apparently the way to win. Can anyone say ‘closet foot fetish’

… 2 tattoos, each self designed, one while sitting in Les Jardins du Luxembourg (one of my favourite places in the entire world) with my girlfriend, which says, “Above all else, L’amour et La Liberte. The other, upon the final stages of healing over a heartbreak, which I had done on my 26th birthday, “La Douleur Exquise, Je T’embrasse”. I live by both.

… what I deem to be an obsessive crush on Daniel Craig right now. I would jump him no matter where I first sighted him in person and have absolutely no qualms about it.

… a ritual of conjugating latin verbs under my breath when I am trying to control a state of physical pain. In a state of nervousness I recite backwards Ginsberg’s Howl, which was how I learnt it for an oral presentation for my final exam in highschool.

… long nails. Until I break them. Which happens too often. Usually while I’m being violent.

… a very special place in my heart for those I consider true friends…because I have so very, very few.

… more parking fines than can fit crammed into my glove box. I rationalize that in the end I come out ahead, considering the money I save on parking in an actual parking lot…I’m wrong of course, because I forget to take into account the reminder fees they stick me with when I forget to pay.

… known, in this last year, he who I considered the other half to my silly side. I have also lost him. And when he left, he took a large piece of that part of me.

… long maintained that I am enamoured by the crazy, free, colourful personality of a bouquet of freshly picked wildflowers, the delicate, heart breaking beauty of a rose, and the scent of freshly dewed orange blossoms… I’ve not mentioned these recently, because my choice of these three blooms now almost seems beyond coincidental.

… sat and passed with high distinction, my Licentiates level in pianoforte, but haven’t, and, will likely, never receive the certificate because I refuse to take my Grade 6 Music Theory Certificate down to the registrar’s office to show proof that I’ve passed that exam, which is a requirement, because I don’t understand why there isn’t some system, however antiquated, where they can cross reference considering they both come from the same 3m by 3m office. The last thing my piano teacher of 10 years said to me was, “No, truly, you’re fucking insane”

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I HAVE NEVER…

… slept with a friend’s partner…unless specifically invited to…by the friend, not the partner :p

… seen the Great Pyramids in person, in no small part because I am morbidly afraid of the desert… water, must be around water.

… almost drowned… like I said, water, gimme water.

… of my own choice watched a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

… been pregnant. I hope this changes someday…er, not necessarily soon.

… read a book just once. Even one I didn’t like.

… successfully told a formulated joke… what I usually do when I find one I like is tell it to my Dad first and then get him to tell it… and then take credit when everyone laughs.

… owned a cat. Or be owned by one, as the case sometimes is.

… used the safe word.

… told someone I loved them, without meaning it whole heartedly. I have, however, not said it, even when I did feel it… just because I don’t always feel there is a need to say it, or, I’m too chicken shit scared.

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I WILL…

… accept anybody’s challenge to a spelling competition.

… also accept anybody’s challenge to a grammar and punctuation competition, knowing full well I will lose spectacularly after the first question. I put it to the fact that, anyone who’s ever heard me talk, will know telling me to put a comma wherever I take a pause…is NOT sufficient advice as to how to properly punctuate.

… do what I can to rectify an estranged friendship with a childhood friend this year. No, I will. Really. I will! Not my fault she’s an utter and complete bitch. *sighs* I miss her.

… eat anything…except, baked beans. Mushy, maggot shaped pellets from blahsville.

… know you and I don’t think the same about music if you ask me, “what is your favourite song?”. To me, music is mood defining and defined by mood. And I’m moody. Tell ME what your favourite song is to listen to while you’re in a certain mood and you’ll have my attention for longer… the same applies for poetry.

… never admire, respect, nor trust anyone as I do my father.

… never split double 8s, not even if dealer’s on 5. Deal with it. Trust me, with my horrendous luck, you don’t want me to. In fact, if you ever see me at a table, do yourself a favour and just walk on by. But if you want a show, stay, I can promise you, you’ll never see a dealer pull more consecutive Blackjacks in your life.

… happily die for my “cause”. What that is… well, if you know, you know.

… add Russian and Chinese (Mandarin) to the languages I can communicate in…one day…er, not making promises when…

… ,if you let me, buy you so many books, basically, every time I find one that I want to share, your local IKEA store will thank me for the sudden increase of bookshelves they sell, but it’ll be a cold, cold day in hell before I give you my copy. Everything from the texture of the cover, to the print, to the smell of the pages is part of the experience of when I read a book for the first time, and frankly. I don’t like change

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I DON’T…

… sew. Unless you count with duct tape and staplers. Don’t knock it.

… know a thing about cars… except what I deem to LOOK good, and also, if I, as I am want to do, forget to put petrol in it, it will stop somewhere on the way from taking me from A to B.

… think I have the slightest affinity for anything that has to do with money nor business… which is unfortunate, considering, in same form or another, I’ve been trying to run one since I was 22. Doesn’t stop me though. Though perhaps it should *laughs*

… think that I’m stubborn. And not in the way most people say they’re not stubborn knowing full well that they are, I actually don’t think I am. Ask anyone who knows me really well. Unless they say I am… that just means they’re stupid :p

… have a clit hood ring, even though I’ve always wanted one because 1) I don’t like the thought of the recovery period *giggles* and 2) I don’t think the benefits are worth the restrictions.

… like the heat. It does bad, bad, bad things to me. That make me do bad, bad, bad things….that I love, love, love *evil grin*

… eat the little packaged foods that they give out with your meal on the plane, I hoard them, always thinking that I’ll get stuck in some sort of weather phenomenon and have days of food rations because I was so smart *taps self on the head* always thinking ahead, me is.

… have any hesitation upon admitting that I will eat human flesh should survival necessitate. This is probably why my good friend Caddlebear refuses to let me sign us both up for a football team, then fly a chartered plane over the Andes with him. He’s so selfish.

… brush my hair everyday. It doesn’t like it. It just does what it wants to do anyway, Making it conform to some sort of non knotty, unfrizzy, de-medusafied shape just pisses it off.

… like the taste of Coca Cola. Or any Cola flavoured drink for that matter. I prefer lemonade, or ginger ale. But I have a sweet tooth, so I’ll pretty much drink anything that makes me go Zing!!!!!!

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I WISH…

… I had more control over the world and its people, but knowing me we’d just eat icecream and have tooth decay if I did.

… I could use colour instead of words to describe how I feel.

… oranges were three times their normal size, that way I could just eat one and not feel like an utter pig.

… sometimes, I could be more conventional. *laughs* ok, I lie.

… only for things I can’t change. Because if I COULD change them, I wouldn’t be sitting her wishing about them, but trying to do something about it.

… my Dad could go home.

… I hadn’t inherited my Dad’s good points, but only my Mum’s weak ones.

… I could know what it was like to come from a big immediate family, but then give it all back when it become too much (10 minutes should do me)

… sugar had a 10th of it’s calories.

… there was no greed. But then I guess you couldn’t call us “human”.

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I THINK…

… that one of the great disasters of history is the burning of the Library of Alexandria

… when I have nothing else to do… and even more, when I have a pile of urgent things to do.

… this is best summed up by the story my parents like to tell about when I was little and they came into my bedroom at midnight to see me sitting up staring out the window, and when they asked what I was doing up, precocious 4 year old me just sighed and said, “I’m just thinking…”

… “Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky”, is the single most influential line in poetry for me. The inherent rhythm and simplistic beauty of imagery still makes me breathless in this seemingly effortless stanza.

… I am brutally judgmental. But that I can separate it from the way I treat a person … knowing that my value system is not the same to everyone else’s.

… that the CHOICE to have children is an ultimately selfish one.

… people care too much what other people think, and expend too much energy pretending that they don’t.

… ice cream melting is one of the perfect examples of why we should enjoy the moment, because pleasure is fleeting.

… it was probably a really bad idea to tell that interview panel that one time that I learned typing from chatting to pedophiles on the internet.*shrugs* didn’t want the job anyway, one of the panel members looked like one of those pedophiles I chatted to *giggles*.

… I’m addictive to carbonated beverages. Some people may already know this considering I got TWO Soda Stream machines for Christmas, from people who are just sick of me calling them up at ridiculous hours of the day, just to see if they’re coming around to my neighbourhood for any reason, and oh, if they are please drop by the store to buy me some soda water. I just spent the last hour carbonating more water than my fridge can hold. Got any spare room in your fridge? *bats eyelids*

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I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER…

… that Walmart is called ASDA in the UK.

… that sense of freedom walking out to the tarmac on the first leg of my first overseas trip alone.

… the look on L’s face, when he walked up the stairs and saw me sitting on his front step… before the guards went up. But that second was worthy of being kept forever… and taught me that I have to do what I think I need to do for me, even if it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever had to face.

… the total and complete sense of disappointment on viewing in person, the Mona Lisa, for the very first time…and yet the complete opposite, when seeing, Rodin’s Le Baiser…

… the feeling of falling out of love with someone. And the absolute heart wrenching sensation of knowing, that a relationship just has to be ended…but knowing, there’s just no way you could ever say, “I just don’t love you any more”.

… the first 40 elements of the periodic table. Even when I’m dead, and exhumed 5 million years later, that’s the first thing I’ll utter. Don’t ask.

… the first song a certain someone sent me.

… that cheese does not go well with rice.

… the time I got so wrecked at the Uni bar after an exam, I caught two buses and walked 7 miles home and the absolute bullshit story I gave my parents for arriving home without my car because I’d forgotten that I had driven to Uni that day.

… when I woke up one day and realised that I hadn’t literally died of a broken heart in my sleep… got up, and moved on.

*dusts hands satisfied* There. That should teach people to ever think they want me to be forthcoming ever again.